guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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