school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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