My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
