i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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