Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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