I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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