You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
