thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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