Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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