my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
