You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
