this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Enjoy the penises
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
