i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
