i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
