Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
