He disabled his match.com account in front of me
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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