***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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