This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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