There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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