I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
