Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
