I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
