my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
