Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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