it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
