dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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