is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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