I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
