Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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