My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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