Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
