Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
