Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
