Kiss
Puke
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Dear god my vagina.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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