I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
