And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
