he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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