He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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