My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
