i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
