There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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