I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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