he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
