Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Just cropdusted the office
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
