Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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