shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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