either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
