you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
