i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
