have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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