Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
