You just made me feel so damn special
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
