a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
