from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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